Category: Health & Spirit

To my cousins and special friends
From: BSalt@aol.com

About two weeks ago I learned that I have a tumor in the lowest lobe of my right lung, an adeno-carcinoma. A persistent cough of about 4 weeks duration led to the discovery. I’ve now had all the diagnostic tests: CAT scan (2), mammogram, biopsy, bone scan, pulmonary function, bronchoscopy and mediastinumoscopy. There is no metastesis to bones or liver, but there is evidence in the lymph nodes on the left side. Therefore, my treatment will begin next week with chemotherapy and radiation, with surgery a possibility at a later date.

My strong belief and attitude is that I will recover. I will try very hard to combine the ways my parents dealt with ill health and old age: My Mom had the grace to accept physical disabilities and the wisdom to adjust her life style to each new limitation. My Dad had the discipline and determination to follow all medical advice, eat properly, exercise regularly, stay independent, involved and informed. I draw my greatest strength from Seymour, my helpmate in all ways, and from God who is with me at all times.

I’ll be happy to get e-mail, snail mail, phone calls (if I can’t talk for one reason or another, Seymour will) and the most grateful for healing prayers. (For mi sheberach prayer, my Hebrew name is Bracha Meira bat Esther Ruth.)

May 2, 1999
In my next life I’d like to be an ice dancer. Until then, the Feldenkreis Method, through my teacher Bonnie Kissam, enable me to visualize myself moving in ice-dancing style. Translating this visualization into actual easy movements for every day living is a healing and even spiritual experience. Bonnie has a profound understanding and knowledge of Feldenkreis lessons and a caring and generous persona, which together give her a unique way of presenting my body to me.

June 17, 1998
I am struck by the ideal inherent in the Feldenkreis Method: Do No Harm. In every lesson taught by Bonnie Kissam, I learn how to move in efficient ways that avoid pain, be it sitting, lying or walking. Recently on my daily walk I felt pain in my back. I was intrigued to note that by relaxing my chest and by making a slight adjustment in the length of my stride, in the rotation of my hips and shoulders, and in the position of my head, I was able to walk comfortably because the pain was so greatly diminished.

I am never free of back pain due to two spinal disk surgeries. Six years of Feldenkreis Method lessons, however, have given, and continue to give me, the skills and confidence and awareness to cope with pain and outsmarts its causes.

Allstate Insurance Co. finally settled my “bodily injuries” claim, the result of the accident on 1/13/98 (13 months ago!)

In the final telephone conversation, after fumphing around with more questions about my health and my treatment, she said “tell me, Bernice (we long ago started using first names) what is your bottom line?” I replied, “Mary Beth, your company spent nearly $5000 fixing my car. I think my body is worth $5000 to keep operational for the next 10-15 years.” She thought that was “reasonable” and so I signed the waiver releasing all further claims and got the check a few days after signing the form.

I plan to put half of it aside for sessions with my Feldenkreis teacher, Bonnie Kissam [and] the other half toward airfares for the summer for Rob and Beth and for any Mishli children who come.

I’m feeling much much better from the back bash I got in the car accident. I had 8 private sessions with Bonnie, my Feldenkreis therapist, which helped enormously. I was not restored so perfectly as the car, but I’m functioning well.

I’ve decided to have two dental implants in the space where I last lost a major molar next to another lost molar in the past. … The cost is painful but the procedure is not too.

… Sight in my left eye is growing increasingly fuzzy from a developing cataract, but not enough to warrant any surgery yet, according to my optometrist [Su Danberg] who saw me two days ago. Yes, this is the story of our ages! But I still consider myself blessed in every way!

In response to Ruth Seligman’s Survey of Seventy:

I will be 68 on my next birthday. Here is how I feel about my birthdays in general: I like them. I always have a feeling of gratitude and blessedness. I have no desire to celebrate them in any special way and feel no disappointment when others don’t remember it. My mother always did and that was enough. When I reached 40 she started sending me birthday checks in an amount matching the year, with instructions to spend it on myself. Once, after learning how babies are born, I asked my mother if it hurt her when I was born. “Yes,” she said, “but I forgot all the pain the minute they put you in my arms.” How could I mind a day that recalls that kind of joy and love, verified by the birth events of my own three children.

Five words which describe me. Jewish. Flexible. Thoughtful. Dependable. Blessed.

I think I am perceived by others as calm, organized, trustworthy and intelligent. One friend once told me “you are the original velcro person.” (Just about the most delightful description I’d ever want.)

I like drawers in my bedroom, kitchen, office, laundry, sewing room, to be neat. To me, “neat and clean” is a great enhancement to my sense of well-being. This feeling is especially present every other Friday following the departure of my cleaning woman, Bronya Leniart, after her 8-hour stint. She doesn’t stint! She’s Polish, speaks but a little English and is 69. She does floors the old-fashioned way, on her knees. We have to hide the snow shovel in winter and the rake in autumn to keep her cleaning restricted to indoors.

My compulsion about neat drawers is probably a reaction to my mother’s methods. Her drawers were always in disarray. However, she always knew where everything was. Maybe her mind was actually like a filing cabinet. No, she probably knew where everything was because she was a visualizer. She could lay her hands on what she was looking for because she could visualize it in the mess.

My father is also a neat nut. He cannot abide disorder in any realm – his office or his kitchen. In his life as a butcher and meat-packer, he worked with one hand and cleaned up with the other. Or he called for a clean-up crew now!

I told the PT clinic manager today that I would be winding up my visits on Monday and they could put my folder in the Success File. She seemed a bit startled. I guess they are used to patients coming until they (the therapists) say they’re better.

I told you that one of my therapists, Bonnie Kissam, is a Feldenkreis trainer. I started a class with her Tuesday morning (4 weekly 1-hour sessions, 5 people, $50 for the course) in her studio in Hartford, devoted to rolling (from back to sides and v/v). Between her and the other four therapists who worked on me these past four weeks, I’ve learned much about movement, balance, breathing and relaxation that have been, and I hope will continue to be, very beneficial.

As for me, I would like to hurt less and move faster.

When I complain to your father he says, “You’re doing too much,” and I reply, “I might have known I would get no sympathy from you!” To which his comeback is, “If you won’t take my advice, how can I sympathize?”

I’m sure I’ll feel better after a trip to Richmond. First of all, I won’t be doing any work and second, compared to all the old kvetches there, I’m great!

[in letter to Ruth Seligman]

How I hope your disabilities will dissolve! Faced with the same situation, I would want to have my mother’s attitude: it could be worse and I’ll do only what I’m able to or feel like.

[in letter to Ruth Seligman]

Yes, I read Victor Frankl’s book The Search for Meaning about 20 years ago and again about three years ago with my book group. The main concept that stayed with me was this one: when all choices and all rights to make decisions are stripped from a person (as in the concentration camp), s/he can still choose one thing: the attitude one will adopt toward one’s present condition.

I don’t spend much time searching for meaning or asking “what’s it all about, Alfie?” just mainly try to do things and hope I won’t leave too much debris behind to burden others.

Two weeks ago I went to West Hartford Center for my haircut and afterwards decided to go around the corner to the Lucy Baltzell Shop to see what was available in mother-of-the-groom attire. I never bought anything there and hardly ever look – it’s sooo exclusive! I was shown several things that looked promising and decided to try on two things. I was wearing jeans, sneakers and knee socks and no bra – it was after my third or fourth treatment!*. Sure enough, one of the two things I tried on seemed just perfect – 100% silk pastel print of pink, aqua and lavender, mid-calf length, fitted waistline, loose elbow-length sleeves, pockets in the side seams. Only the price stunned me. So I left it there.

I came home and told Dad and David about it. They both said to go back and buy it, that it wasn’t so expensive for what it was.

David: “When you buy something good that fits and feels good it only hurts once, when you buy it; when you buy something cheap and it never fits or feels good, it hurts every time you wear it.” Haven’t I always said every family should have a David-style philosopher in it. So next day I bought the dress!

[*Radiation for breast cancer]